Leaving Babyhood Behind

Change is hard.  Before motherhood, change was easy for me.  In fact, I looked forward to change.  I got bored easily and change was a refreshing way to make things interesting.  Then...then, I became a mother.

A very serious baby

 Now, I can't wait to get back "on schedule" and keep things as similar as possible.  I feel scatterbrained and I can't remember where anything is!  Is that normal?  Is it the lack of sleep?  Well, I guess it's all a package.  At least, it's a very cute package!

I used to jeer...yes, jeer at the mother's who obviously cut their own child's hair.  Why don't they take them to a professional?  It looks awful!  Then...I cut my own son's hair.

momcut

Why?  I am deathly afraid of taking him to get his haircut.  He is very weary of strangers, he's sensitive to being touched, and I'm afraid of a full out tantrum...when everything is already hard.  So...I cut his bangs, while he was watching Youtube.  It was hard.  It was really hard.  How do the pros do it?  At least, the hair is not poking his eyes anymore...the only reason I was "persuaded" to cut the offending hair.  Otherwise, it's just going to be long.  It's going to stay long!  Even if everyone keeps thinking he's a girl.  A girl wearing very boy clothes. 

For now, our house has 4 pieces of furniture...a table, two chairs, and a highchair.  Unless, you count the boxes and a couple mattresses on the floor.

Ikea table and two chairs

Studying the Alphabet

Baba thinks this is his playroom...since his toys dominate the living area.  There's no place to put the toys.  So they have taken over.

Ikea train set

It's fun to see how he figures out the toys.  I like how he experiments with them.  Stepping on them, moving them, trying to build using different toys together.  He's really becoming a boy...slowly leaving babyhood behind.

Exploring

He seems to understand more and he seems to want to communicate, but his words are mostly vowel sounds.  He can't seem to imitate sound when he wants, though sometimes he's able to imitate when it's automatic. 

He recognizes the difference between letters and numbers.  He knows what they look like.  When he holds his "letters or numbers", he corrects their orientation correctly.  He can correctly point to "0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 7, 8, 9, and 10".  He knows some of his letters, especially "A, E, O, U, H, B, M, P, Z, S". 

But, he really doesn't seem to know words.  He asks me to repeat the same word...over and over.  It seems like he's having a hard time, processing all the sounds together. 

Yet, he seems to understand things...intuitively.  He is very sensitive to emotions.  My emotions seem to affect him the most.  He will start to whimper, if he thinks I'm hurt.  If I'm anxious, he gets anxious too.  So I do everything possible to control my emotions.  To regulate them and not spend too long on negative emotions.  It's actually been therapeutic for me.  For the first time, in a long time, I'm more positive than negative.  I owe it to him.

Learning to walk on a hill

He's slowly becoming less cautious and a little more willing to explore new places, new obstacles.  I hold back my fears of seeing him fall and I encourage him to try...to make a new pathway for himself.  I let him know that he can be independent...even if he should fall...because he can always get up.  Most of all, I'm always nearby...just in case he needs me to reassure him.

Conquered!

Sometimes, I'm so close to saying "no".  But I take a deep breath, shut my mouth and watch.  Most of the time, he's careful.  Most of the time, he will ask for help...if he really needs it.  So, I am just a guide.  I am here to help him find his way into this world.  So that he can have the confidence to overcome the obstacles that are looming in the way. 

If he can find his independence...even if he's never able to use his voice...he will succeed in finding his own way. 

My only goal...is to not get in his way.